A pregnant Italian lady recently had her baby extracted from her womb by the British government. For free! Become sedated pregnant, wake up ready for beach season. What a lucky lass she is.
The official report by social service agents is that the child was removed from it’s mother because the state raises children better than parents. But what if there is something else going on here? Something…sinister.
Over the last few years, TED conferences have had a boom in popularity. Presentations at these conferences called “TED Talks” have gained wide popularity amongst people don’t know much about various things, but really want to pretend that they do.
Many great people have conducted TED Talks. So much so, the organization is running out of remarkable individuals to keep their conferences in business. When matters became desperate for TED’s organizers, a clandestine partnership was struck with Her Majesty’s Social Services.
According to documents leaked to Haddock News, social services have obtained nearly 20 children from across the country. They are being biometrically monitored, and forced to learn the theory of quantum mechanics.
The only music they’re allowed to listen to is the soundtrack of the 1978 film Convoy.
Social services claim that this “batch” of intelligentsia should be ready for TED Talks (or “harvesting”) within the next 10 years. Their first successful attempt at the process appears to be this kid:
Surprisingly, most of the parents of the repurposed children don’t seem overly concerned about losing their infants. According to one mother: “had I known you could just give these things away, I would’ve started doing that years ago!”
For more information on forfeiting your children, click here.