Following the announcement that women in the US army will be allowed to fight at the front line (where you can smell the enemey and look him in the eye as you turn the knife and watch his life ebb away whilst trying not to think of his grieving mother and fatherless children)…army chiefs would like to lay down some fairly stringent conditions.
‘It would seem resonable would it not, that the front line in a combat zone should not be a line of women waiting for the bathroom?’ Said an unamed source. ‘So if they want to kill people, women will have to piss standing up!’
so, as part of the training program women will be trained to use urinals.
However, it cuts both ways.
Michelle Pukansky, a colonel in the marines who kills men routinely regardless of the rules also has some say over the training curriculum.
“The men have to learn how to sew, hang washing on a line whilst discharging an M16! That is to say they must learn to multi-task!” She said.
The men are not happy about this and have suggested that they will fight the women before doing such things.
“If they’re prepared to fight women, then they’re saying that women should fight…that’s good enough for me!” Said colonel Pukansky triumphantly.
Of course the real reason that there are no women on the front line is that nothing makes you horny like a fire-fight, and strategically speaking, a bunch of soldiers shagging each other is not a workable situation for a fighting force.
Therefore, all soldiers, regardless of gender must masturbate at least four times a day to keep their carnal urges in order.
This suggestion has been received warmly by all concerned.