US sends Picasso to Italy for repainting

A rough estimation of how the planned touch-ups will improve the quality of the artwork

A rough estimation of how the planned touch-ups will improve the quality of the artwork

The United States has sent the body of Pablo Picasso to Italy to be repainted, rematted and reframed. Also sent were several of the artist’s paintings. Presumably they are receiving the same treatment.

“The paintings need touching up before resale,” claims auction master Rafio Cardoza. “In fact, I actually think it would be better to have them completely repainted by someone a little more talented than the original artist, but then again what do I know, Pink is my favorite musician.”

As for the retouching of Picasso’s body, it has been confirmed that it is to be painted and posed as part of a stage show entitled “Guernica The Musical.” Supposedly it’s a laugh riot, but will most likely be appreciated mainly by silly theatre bitches.

Once the paintings have been touched, retouched, lightly caressed, lovingly stroked, and gratuitously fondled, they’ll be ready for auction in the United States. And, in an economy where rat is being served at 3-star restaurants, insanely rich people will purchase those paintings, hang it above their fire places, and simultaneously masturbate to how good it feels to be so god damn motherfucking rich. Then they’ll throw a knife at a wall, and probably have a bagel. I’m just spitballing at this point, I mean it’s rather hard to speculate every detail of an insanely rich person’s life after they’ve finished masturbating over the purchase of a Picasso, isn’t it? Do I come to your job and make your life unpleasant? Stop relying on me so heavily. I do NOT have a small penis, and I resent the insinuation! I can see it in your eyes!

Once the show concludes it’s run, Picasso’s painted body will be placed atop a lighthouse in France.

Bernard Floater

Bernard Floater

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Bernard Floater Posted by on June 26, 2013. Filed under Haddock Culture, Haddock US. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.