Vishnu Were Here! TimeShare Religion offers 2 Weeks in the faith of your choice!

Vishnu were here! Perhaps the many armed God could give you a helping hand to salvation!

No Salesperson will call!

In our busy lives there is little time for God…he’s way down there with clipping your toenails and taking out the trash!

Right up to the day you die of course when, miraculously, God is the most important thing in your life and your family can fuck off!

According to the bible you can be an utter bastard all your life so long as you say sorry at the end…this is not the course of action suggested but apparently you’ll be okay so long as you remember.

But what if you’re wrong about God, what if it’s Allah instead? What if one of the many thousands of Hindu Gods could save your soul? 

There are a myriad of religions to choose from and each offers their own path to salvation but few have time for part-time worshippers…until now!

Religious leaders from every sect imaginable (yes even Atheists) are offering short, no obligation taster holidays during which you can spend as little as two days as a Jew, or a Muslim or even Nuwaubianist (Don’t ask…they worship some guy who’s in prison for child molesting and embezzlement).

Although not actually sold as such, these time-share religious ‘journeys’ are a way of trying to establish if (as many people believe) it is all a load of bollocks, or if one of these sects might just be the answer to an eternal life of sitting on a cloud and smugly announcing ‘I told you so!’

Of course you may end up being-reincarnated as a cock-ring or some other dreadful thing, so it’s worth using this opportunity to cleanse your mind of filth (and your hard drive).

Now this is all well and good but, if you read the small print, you’ll find that should you die during one of these trips…well, that’s where you’re going!

So your family has to sign a disclaimer saying they’re prepared to put you in a long boat and send you out to sea on fire, or whatever it may take to satisfy whichever God you belong to at the time of passing.

Time-share holidays are a branch of who claim to be able to save your money and your soul at the same time.

So, why not give it a whirl? What’s the worst that could happen?

*The Haddock takes no responsibility for anyone who becomes embroiled in a religious war or terrorist act as a result of their holiday! 





Posted by on April 29, 2018. Filed under Haddock Religion, Haddock World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.