Want more likes? Be offended by EVERYTHING! 

Being Offended is the key to Social Media Success!

Want to be a social media superstar? It’s easy, just be offended by every single thing you encounter.

The easiest method is to look for the following words; male, female, man, woman, black, white, disabled, feminism, sex, gender, orientation, politics, breathing…anything really.

It doesn’t matter about the context just put the word ‘ist’ on the end of any word and act like a crazy drunken cowboy in a lynch mob!

That’s it, that’s all it takes.

If you want to use a more advanced technique, try taking everything that anyone says about you completely out of context and always ALWAYS, assume negative intent.

YOU are the victim, feel sorry for yourself 24×7!

The real trick to this is to feel sorry for yourself, and to make it about you. For example, if someone talks about immigrants and the terrible time they’re having, which they are. Make it seem that you being upset is at least as bad or worse.

You can tweak this by pandering to stereotypes, always assuming that anyone white is most likely a racist, paedophile, wife-beater, republican or destroying the planet…especially the guys! It’s flawless…everyone will agree with you.

Everyone want’s to be offended, it’s where it’s at, it’s a way of showing the world how much you disapprove of its evil ways and how you are always a victim in EVERY situation.

If anyone mentions race, or gender…just fucking go for them like they’re an evil, old-fashioned, insensitive bastard, don’t read the words…just shoot them down, and watch the likes pour in! Even if it’s a charity you can still tear strips off them…essentially you have to take the view that every fucker is fair game and your social status is number one priority…that’s the way to glory!

Be left, that’s where the BIG LIKES are!

It’s best to take a left wing stance if you can, that way you’ll get more followers because it’s much cooler to be left wing, despite what you actually think or the way you behave with your mates after a few beers.

You don’t have to believe it, just make everyone else think you do…

Oh yeah, and spend at least six hours a day forcing your cat to do something viral…that’s good too!

Do this and you’re on the way to a super duper successful career as a social media superstar.

Have a great day!

If you want to know more, look out for ‘Bennet Vindushali’s guide to using being a sanctimonious grandstanding social media prick!’ for more information.

 

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Posted by on April 26, 2018. Filed under Haddock Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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