Police carried out a series of dawn raids on the homes of morbidly obese citizens today. During the visits, all labour-saving devices were forcibly confiscated from the properties leaving the fatties facing a future of manual activity…a.k.a: HELL!
Recent scientific evidence has shown that obesity began in 1950…TV remote controls were invented that same year…coincidence? Absolutely not!
Any device which reduces exercise will make you fat, and the ones which cook food are doubly dangerous.
Owning a remote controlled toaster can take up to ten years off your life expectancy!
With this in mind the government have decided to save the lives of fat people by removing any item which encourages laziness.
In some houses they even removed the furniture, replacing it with gym equiptment and salad spinners.
If you see an obese person trying to purchase a labour saving device…stop them! Instead, lead them to the weight-lifting section and buy them a dumbbell!
Oh yes…and as of tomorrow it will be illegal for a fat person to purchase, consume or touch a pie.
Weeks from now, you’ll be walking around your neighbourhood and suddenly you’ll stop and say…say! Where are all the fat people?
They’ll be right where they always were buddy, only they’ll be thin!