Wasps are to become useful members of society or face annihilation according to a new government edict published today. A series of academies and workshops to educate or re-train wasps in the art of jam- have been proposed by insect minister Brin Spudgehammer. Traditionally nothing more than an inexplicable pest, the scourge of summer and something akin to a flying hypodermic with an evil little brain … it’s time these stripy villains pulled their weight. Bees, who’s PR department has neatly covered up the whole ‘agonising sting’ thing with the phrase ‘it hurts them more because they die’ or more importantly ‘but they give us honey’ … are a much loved creature by comparison. The fact that the bees don’t ‘give’ us honey we steal it from them, and their stings hurt much more seems to have been forgotten. Acclaimed marketing firm Scratchy and Scratchy have taken on the task of re-branding wasps as lovable, hard working, buzzy little friends who are better than bees in every way. They will be instructed in Jam Making and given the raw materials to do so. A number of wasp-keepers have already been recruited to oversee production.