Woman Rapes Cat Sprayed with Lynx Deodorant

Barry From Hove

Barry From Hove

‘I just don’t know what came over me!’ is most likely what the cat would have said if cats could speak.

Barry, a Persian cat from Hove is recovering in hospital today after being sexually assaulted by a woman.

The woman, who will remain nameless, is helping police with their inquiries but is not expected to face charges as she too is a victim of a new and terrible crimewave.

Lynx Deodorant, famous for its ability to turn women into raving nymphomaniacs,  has become a victim of its own success.

It seems that bored children in the Hove area, and other parts of the UK, have taken to spraying Lynx onto animals and then videoing the results on mobile phones.

‘It’s hilarious!’ said an un-named hoodie from Brighton. ‘We sprayed this dog and then let it loose in a shopping centre, the next thing you know it’s being gang-banged by two hairdressers, fantastic!’

‘This has to stop!’ said the police chief who wants it to stop but doesn’t know how to stop it.

It’s not just pets, they’ve been spraying cars, coin-operated rides outside supermarkets, parking meters and traffic cones…all subsequently shagged by innocent women.

The makers of Lynx have yet to issue an official statement about these crimes but they’re riding high on the youtube revenue!